Subtitles by Phaeton
Mrs. Peterson!
Ramon, hey! How's it goin'?
How you doin'?
There it is, right there on the desk.
- Where's she headed? - She's snowbound, Ramon.
- See you went with the pink. - Yeah, yeah.
It's kind of a pink day today.
I'm gonna have another pickup for you on Thursday.
- All right. We'll see you then. - All right. Thanks, Ramon.
- Peterson! Peterson!
- Peterson.
- Mr. Cowboy, da? - Da.
Mmm, it's pretty.
Mmm. It's from my wife.
Time...
- rules over us without mercy,
not caring if we're healthy or ill, hungry or drunk,
Russian, American, beings from Mars.
It's like a fire. It could either destroy us or keep us warm.
That's why every FedEx office has a clock.
Because we live or we die by the clock.
We never turn our back on it.
And we never, ever allow ourselves...
the sin of losing track oftime!
Locally, it's 1:56.
That means we've got three hours and four minutes...
before the end-of-the-day's package sort.
- That's how long we have. That's how much time we have...
before this pulsating, accursed, relentless taskmaster...
tries to put us out of business.
Hey, Nicolai. Hey. Nicolai, good to see you.
How are you, kid? Look what you did.
You just delivered your very first FedEx package.
That deserves something special, like a Snickers bar...
and a C.D. player.
And something to listen to- a C.D. There.
Elvis Presley. Fifty million fans can't be wrong.
You all recognize this, don't you?
I took the liberty of sending this to myself.
I FedEx'd it before I left Memphis.
You're probably wondering what could be in here.
What could it possibly be? Is it architectural plans?
Maybe technical drawings?
Is this the new wallpaper for the- for the bathroom?
It is... a clock,
which I started at absolute zero...
and is now at 87 hours, 22 minutes and 17 seconds.
From Memphis, America to Nicolai in Russia, 87 hours.
Eighty-seven hours is a shameful outrage.
This is just an egg timer!
What if it had been something else? Like your paycheck?
- Or fresh boysenberries? Or ad option papers?
Eighty-seven hours is an eternity.
The cosmos was created in less time!
Wars have been fought and nations toppled in 87 hours!
Fortunes made and squandered.
What?
What are you saying about me?
I tell them, what do they expect?
This man, when his truck broke down, he stole a boy's bicycle to do his delivery.
I borrowed it! I borrowed a kid's bike.
And I got my packages delivered, and that is what you people are gonna have to start doing.
You have to start doing whatever it takes, because in three hours and two minutes...
every one of these packages has to be on the big truck...
and on its way to the airport.
- Fifteen minutes!
- Crunch time! Crunch time! - Crunch time!
Let's go! Every package on the airport truck.
Go! Crunch, crunch, crunch!
- We have a big problem. - What?
- The truck in Red Square is stuck. - What do you mean?
- It's stuck. - Stuck how? In snow? In ice?
It's stuck! The most important truck- the Kremlin truck! Many packages.
All right, all right, all right. Let's put the table right here.
We'll just do the sort.
Ah, yeah, a clamp. That would make us stuck.
Let's go. Unload- Get him out of there.
Right here. Two lines, two lines.
One to the airport truck, one to the Moscow truck.
Got it?
C.D.G., F.E., M.E, Memphis on the airport truck. Everything else right there.
Nicolai! Tick-tock, tick-tock. Four minutes.
Hi, this is Kelly. If you're calling for Chuck, press one.
Otherwise leave a message after the tone. Thanks.
- Hello, Kelly. Are you there?
Pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up. You're not there.
You're not gonna believe this. I'm doin' the sorts in the middle of Red Square...
in the shadow of Lenin's tomb.
I'm outta here in two minutes and I'm pickin' up the sweep through Paris,
so I should be back in Memphis about 18 hours or so.
That's the good news. The bad news is...
I gotta go to the dentist this week.
I got something in there that's hurtin'.
I love you and I'm gonna see you soon, and you know what that means.
Bye-bye. Nicolai! Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock!
- I absolutely, positively have to get to Memphis tonight.
Can't help you. Try U.P.S.
With this extra head wind, are we gonna be able to push it and make the sort?
- We'll do our best. - "Our best", huh?
Gwen, is there something wrong with our doctors that Jack keeps getting certified to fly?
- Aren't you concerned? - I'm terrified.
But a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.
That's the spirit. Relentless is our goal. Relentless!
What do you expect from the guy who stole a crippled kid's bicycle...
- when his truck broke down? - I borrowed it.
But I love that the kid's now crippled.
So you missed the last truck by two minutes?
Two minutes. Actually, it was less than that.
The plane wasn't that heavy. You could've added some fuel,
picked up the speed and made up the time.
It's about the trucks. Today's truck was two minutes late.
Tomorrow's will be four minutes late, and then six minutes and eight minutes late.
- Next thing you know, we're the U.S. Mail. - Yeah, well-
All I'm sayin' is, if you'd gotten all those trucks on the plane,
those Russkies would be walking on water right now.
Hey, don't- Don't gimme that look.
- It's just grape juice. Right, Chuck? - Yeah.
It's like a 1992 full-bodied grape juice.
I see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil.
We'd offer you some but, you know, somebody's got to fly the plane.
Yeah, well, I "just say no", right?
Listen, Stan, I've been meaning to ask you.
How's Mary?
Oh. Uh, well,
- we really don't know anything yet. - Mm-hmm.
Uh, she went to the doctor yesterday, and, uh,
it hasn't meta- metastasized...
as far as they can tell right now.
It's just kind of wait and see.
I'm so sorry.
Tell her I'm gonna come by and see her on my next layover.
I want you to know, Stan, we are all thinking about her and you.
- And just blessings. - Thank you, Gwen.
Hi, this is Kelly. If you're calling for Chuck, press one.
Otherwise, leave a message after the tone. Thanks.
Stan.
Listen. Uh, I heard about this-
I heard about this doctor down in Emory, in Atlanta.
Uh, he's supposed to be the absolute best.
He worked on Frank Toretta's wife.
Frank Toretta is a systems analyst.
He played center field for us. You know him.
In the softball tournament last Labor Day.
Anyway, beside the point.
Uh, what I was thinking is, is that I could get his number-
the doctor- and, uh,
you know, put you all together and-
You know, you could get this thing fixed.
You could beat it.
Thanks, Chuck.
So, I'll get his number.
- Is Kelly Frears around? - She's copying her dissertation.
- You're home. - Home indeed.
I love that you're home.
Just days before Santa departs on his annual gift-giving venture,
he's been declared physically fit to fly.
Santa got checked out by doctors at the V.A. Hospital in Augusta, Georgia.
After they declared the jolly old elf in tip top shape,
Santa Claus took off into the wild blue yonder for an early start.
In Sarajevo, he spent the day with children,
handing out presents and even helping them decorate...
the special Christmas tree.
Santa and a sea of elves took over the floor...
at the Hong Kong Futures Exchange.
Market traders bought Santa hats, donating-
The turkey's a little dry, isn't it?
- No. - The turkey is perfect.
- How many did you do last night? - Last night? 2.9 million.
Now you've got to be in the market for more of these candied yams.
Here you go.
2.9 has got to be the record.
Look at those marshmallows.
When I was there, we did two million.
- We thought that was a big deal. - The glory days.
- What'd they do the first night? - The very first night?
- Twelve. - Twelve thousand?
- Hell, no. Twelve. - That's right.
And they did the sort right there on a card table.
And Fred Smith had that card table bronzed.
I've been hearing that for five years.
- It's in his office today. - They go from that to the new hub up in Anchor age.
It's state of the art- a perfect marriage...
between technology and systems management.
Speaking of marriage, Chuck, when are you gonna make an honest woman out of Kelly?
- How long? - Fourteen minutes into the meal.
- You won. I owe you $5. - So I win.
- Way before the pie. - I told him on the way up.
Right about the time the pie came out, the marriage-
Kelly is still recovering from her failed relationship with that parolee.
He was a lawyer.
I knew it had something to do with raising your right hand...
and swearing to tell the truth.
Remember when he fell on the side walk and broke his shoulder at the wedding reception?
He tripped on a curb holding a door open for me.
- Aunt Kelly was married before? It's not even worth remembering.
So since her failed marriage to the parolee-
- Oh, my God. - Kelly can't see being with a man who wears a pager to bed.
What're you gonna attach it to, Hoss?
When you wear it to bed, I hope you got one of those things...
that go vibratin'.
Watch it. I'm not touching that.
Oh, did you hit an olive pit?
- I thought I took all of them out. - No, no, it's not that.
- Okay, I'll cancel Saturday. - No, don't.
If I'm not here, I'm not. But if I am, well,
- then I am. - It's cancelled.
But you gotta be here New Year's Eve.
Malaysia can't be that bad. I'll be here New Year's Eve.
- When are you defending your dissertation? - January 12.
I'm gonna have to switch over the South America thing.
If I do that on the third or fourth,
I'm gonna have to head back out on the 13th.
So long as you're here New Year's Eve.
I will be here New Year's Eve. I promise.
- What? - What about our Christmas? I got a gift for you.
We have to do it in the car.
I'd just like a minute over here, all right? Thanks.
- Two minutes, okay?
Two more minutes. Thanks. Hey!
- Merry Christmas. - I thought you were gonna stiff me.
- No. - What is the ribbon? Is it a thousand-pound...
- test fishing line or something? - Here's your fancy thing.
Thanks.
I love the wrapping.
- And I love the box. - Good.
Oh. Oh, my.
Oh, that is terrific.
My granddaddy used it on the Southern Pacific.
Hey, I took this. This is my favorite picture of you.
You know what I'm gonna do? I'm always gonna keep this...
on Memphis time.
Kelly time.
Hmm.
You haven't said anything about your presents. Is there a problem?
I'm sorry, no! I love 'em.
Look at my journal. Ah!
- What about the pager? - Real leather. The pages have gold on 'em.
- Did you like the pager or not? - Yes.
I love it. Look at him in his little blue Russian house.
- It's from Russia. - My God.
- It's not one of those loud ones? - No. You can program it so it vibrates...
and lights up and see it in the dark.
It seems like a real nice pager.
- Sorry about the hand towels. You're hard to shop for. - No, no. I love 'em.
- Every time I wash my hands, I will think of you. - All right, I gotta go.
- Merry Christmas. - Merry Christmas.
- I love you. - I love you too.
Chuck! Keys!
- Thank you. - That reminds me. I almost forgot.
I have one more present for you.
Only this isn't an "open in the car" kind of present...
like, say, hand towels.
Which were a joke, by the way.
I'm terrified.
Just take it and hold onto it, and you can open it...
on New Year's Eve.
And I love you.
I'll be right back.
Hey, Al, where are we?
Somewhere over the Pacific Ocean.
Ha, ha, ha! You pilots, you're funny.
Tahiti Control, FedEx 88.
Position Jenna at 1526-
Is all this turbulence from Santa and those eight tiny reindeer?
Tamara at 1620.
Erick is next.
- Fuel: niner-five-decimal-five.
Blaine, tell them we're deviating south for weather.
Make another position plot on your deviation left.
Tahiti Control, FedEx 88.
Position Jenna at 1526.
- Flightlevel350. - I got us plotted.
We're 200 miles south of our original course.
Continue plotting, and check contingency procedures.
Tahiti Control, FedEx 88.
Broadcasting in the blind. How do you read?
- I've never been out of comm this long.
Did you try the higher H.F. frequency?
Tahiti Control, FedEx 88.
Better buckle up, Chuck. It's gonna get bumpy.
Tahiti Control, FedEx 88.
Do you read?
Tahiti Control, FedEx 88.
Position Jenna at 1526.
Flightlevel350.
Expecting Tamara at 1-
Fire! Explosion!
Let's get a hose!
Hold on to it! Come on!
Seat belt!
We may have to ditch!
Okay?
Fire in the hold!
We're goin' down!
Mayday! Mayday!
Bringing it down and out!
Ten thousand feet! Masks off!
Chuck! Life vest!
Chuck! Chuck, stay there!
Where's your life vest?
Ditching switch on!
I've got visual!
Brace for impact!
Hello!
Anybody!
Help!
What is that?
Hey!
Anybody?
Hello?
Get! Go, go. Go! Go!
"Albert R. Miller. "
Not Alan. Albert.
So, that's it.
Hey! A ship!
Hey! Hey!
A ship! Over here!
Hey! Hey!
Over here! Over here!
Over here!
Help me! Help! Right here! Right here!
Help! Look here! Look, look, look!
S... O... S! Please!
Help! Come on!
Help!
" Happy birthday. "
"The most beautiful thing in the world is, of course, the world itself.
Johnny, have the happiest birthday ever. Score. Your Grandpa. "
Ew.
Come on.
Come on. Come on.